Dating and ~stuff.

I probably shouldn't be writing this blog post. I mean, I don't really have a reason to except that I guess I'm feeling lonely or something. I should probably be writing something to God instead but I'm just gonna lay it all out here.

I both love and hate talking about dating/singleness.

I love it because I feel so confident in myself when I'm talking about my life as a single woman. It's where I feel the most comfortable because let's face it, being in relationship with people is hard work. And I don't like to work very hard at anything; I wish it would all come much more naturally to me. Plus I know that it's God's best for me so it's easy (and hard at the same time) to embrace it.

But I hate how cowardly I feel. And also lonely. Because guess what, even though I can be happy spending time by myself, I really really need other people. And I want to feel important and special and all that stuff. Wanted and pursued and romanced and like another person just likes me and wants to be with me. I don't know if I can communicate it all that well, but I think everyone understands what I mean. I want to love and be loved.

I know that I am loved right now. For one thing, I know that God loves me and he is for me and he only gives good gifts (even when they taste bad). I also know that my parents love me and they are for me and I know there are people I'm friends with who love me. Furthermore, I know that romantic love is not the greatest achievement there is, but when I look at my friends who are in love or I hear love songs or whatever, I feel like I'm missing out on The Great Adventure. And I want to go, too.

I want a Man to come after my heart, to really see me and still love me anyway. I guess what I really want is to feel significant in some way; I want to feel important to someone because they chose to make me important. Not like I'm important just because I was born into someone's family, but like I'm important just because. That's pretty self-centered of me, I guess. I'm a pretty selfish person.

I wish I was brave enough to just love somebody. I wish I was brave enough to ask someone out. Maybe when the right person comes along I will be brave enough. Maybe I have to take smaller steps for right now. There are other adventures to have. But I want That One.

Having emotions are wonderful. But also stupid. I think if I could turn them off then things like being single wouldn't make me sad anymore. But, God gave me this stupid heart and it wants things that I don't have and I have to learn how to find joy in the Giver and not the gifts. It's hard and like I said I don't like to work hard. But I don't really have much of a choice. It's either work hard and rejoice, or be miserable.

My heart is complete, because it's with God, but it's also sad sometimes, because it's just one heart. Maybe there's another heart out there for me, and maybe not. I hope there is, but you never can tell with these things.