How many more weeks of winter again?

I'm so glad it's the middle of the week. Yesterday was an awful day at work; the kids were misbehaving and I had just about had it. Today was so much better, but it was also probably the worst day so far of my brand new cold, which decided to pop by on Monday and hasn't left yet. Thankfully, I've been getting a lot of advice and support via Facebook on how to take care of it, and hopefully it won't stick around much longer or decide to turn into another sinus infection. Gettin' real tired of all this wet and cold weather we've been having lately. Lately I've been fantasizing about going someplace warm and relaxing. Maybe Orlando?

Pretty please can I take a vacation and go here?

Give me this day my daily bread.

My biggest sin struggle is with food. Maybe that sounds silly, but oh well, that's my life. I never realized it was a sin until this year. I mean, I knew that I was inclined to overeating, eating junk food, and eating to relieve stress, but I didn't know it was sinful. Then I read this book:

(Jocelyn will laugh at me for reading a book by Lysa TerKeurst, and a book about food at that, but honestly it was really helpful for me, so, take that.)

Anyway, Made to Crave helped me realize that all my bad habits with food are really me saying, "Jesus, you're not good enough for me. The cross doesn't satisfy me. I need this food to feel satisfied." When I've had a rough day, I eat. When I've had a great day, I eat. When I'm trying to cover the shame over some other sin, I eat. And what happens is I just pile on more and more shame because really, why am I letting food have this power over me? I should be stronger than this, right? I should be able to say no to the junk food sitting in my pantry. But I can't, and I don't, and it's unhealthy for me both physically and spiritually. 

I'm gonna be real with you for a second: I have gained like 20 pounds over the past year. Now, I have worked very hard to not be one of those people whose lives are ruled by the scale. I don't own one and I have no plans to buy one. I know how much I weigh only because I weigh myself every time I'm at my mom and dad's house. But my point is, I don't have a problem with weighing 155 pounds because I have worked to separate my value from that number. It's been a hard process but I can honestly say that the number on the scale doesn't matter to me as much as how I feel about my body, and I like my body. I think it looks nice and it can do cool things. So, my issue isn't so much with my weight as it is with how I got to this weight. And I got to this weight by overeating, making junk food a staple instead of a treat, and going to the refrigerator or the pantry with my problems instead of to Jesus. That's what I have a problem with, and that's why I need to change my eating habits.

So for the next 40 days (Lent for those of you who are playing at home), my plan is to starve the beast called food idolatry. I have set some rules for myself but more importantly I have established why I made the rules. Let me be clear: this is not so I can lose weight and get skinny before swimsuit season. This is for my relationship with Jesus, because until now I have chosen food over him every single time. I have made food an idol and given it the power to make decisions for me. Well, I don't want to be ruled by food anymore. I want to be ruled by Jesus Christ and him alone. I'm expecting a tough fight, as you would expect when fighting any sort of sin. But Jesus died and rose again so that I could be free from this slavery to food; how could I possibly let myself stay captive to unhealthy habits when he has made me free and given me victory over sin? 

90s night!

I'm a 90s kid. One time I saw a post on the Internet that said, "Props to 90s kids for being proudest of their generation for no reason." And it's true. But honestly, the 90s were the best time to be a kid. Technology was just starting to be an every day thing. Boy bands were like super popular for some reason. We had these things called "floppy disks" and "VCRs." I mean, it took 15 minutes to get online to check your email. But it was great. I loved it.

I forgot to mention Polaroids. I still have my mom's old Polaroid camera. I love taking pictures with it but the film is so expensive now I've been hoarding my last few pictures.

The other night some friends had a 90s themed party. It was so fun to dress up the way we used to as kids (I wasn't that fashionable back then but I don't have any stirrup pants or unicorn sweaters anymore, so I had to make do. Although I guess I could have worn my giant cat sweater...), watch old animated movies (An American Tail, anyone?!), and reminisce over Hansen and Michael W. Smith music videos.

Man, what a great time to be alive. Sometimes I miss being a kid, when life felt so much bigger and the pressure was off. I want to get that feeling of excitement and mystery back. I guess that's kind of what being a child of God is about; enjoying life and learning to trust him in everything.

Also, Relient K was and continues to be the best band ever.

Hello again.

I think I'm bad at being intentional. I should work on that.

I've been sick this week. I had to miss three days of work. My coworkers have been so great and understanding about it, though. I just can't wait to be well again!

Hopefully I can keep this up and blog more regularly than once every two years. So far 2013 has been pretty good for me. What about you?