Give me this day my daily bread.

My biggest sin struggle is with food. Maybe that sounds silly, but oh well, that's my life. I never realized it was a sin until this year. I mean, I knew that I was inclined to overeating, eating junk food, and eating to relieve stress, but I didn't know it was sinful. Then I read this book:

(Jocelyn will laugh at me for reading a book by Lysa TerKeurst, and a book about food at that, but honestly it was really helpful for me, so, take that.)

Anyway, Made to Crave helped me realize that all my bad habits with food are really me saying, "Jesus, you're not good enough for me. The cross doesn't satisfy me. I need this food to feel satisfied." When I've had a rough day, I eat. When I've had a great day, I eat. When I'm trying to cover the shame over some other sin, I eat. And what happens is I just pile on more and more shame because really, why am I letting food have this power over me? I should be stronger than this, right? I should be able to say no to the junk food sitting in my pantry. But I can't, and I don't, and it's unhealthy for me both physically and spiritually. 

I'm gonna be real with you for a second: I have gained like 20 pounds over the past year. Now, I have worked very hard to not be one of those people whose lives are ruled by the scale. I don't own one and I have no plans to buy one. I know how much I weigh only because I weigh myself every time I'm at my mom and dad's house. But my point is, I don't have a problem with weighing 155 pounds because I have worked to separate my value from that number. It's been a hard process but I can honestly say that the number on the scale doesn't matter to me as much as how I feel about my body, and I like my body. I think it looks nice and it can do cool things. So, my issue isn't so much with my weight as it is with how I got to this weight. And I got to this weight by overeating, making junk food a staple instead of a treat, and going to the refrigerator or the pantry with my problems instead of to Jesus. That's what I have a problem with, and that's why I need to change my eating habits.

So for the next 40 days (Lent for those of you who are playing at home), my plan is to starve the beast called food idolatry. I have set some rules for myself but more importantly I have established why I made the rules. Let me be clear: this is not so I can lose weight and get skinny before swimsuit season. This is for my relationship with Jesus, because until now I have chosen food over him every single time. I have made food an idol and given it the power to make decisions for me. Well, I don't want to be ruled by food anymore. I want to be ruled by Jesus Christ and him alone. I'm expecting a tough fight, as you would expect when fighting any sort of sin. But Jesus died and rose again so that I could be free from this slavery to food; how could I possibly let myself stay captive to unhealthy habits when he has made me free and given me victory over sin?